Conflicted

How much more can I take?

Is something I've been asking myself recently, I don't deal very well with being controlled. I absolutely hate being told what to do, when I heavily disagree with the matter or action. It's all in good faith, and they mean no harm, however I don't think they understand what they are actually doing. If they want to help, this is not the way to do. Just because you mean well, it does not mean the actions you are doing are well. What is that saying? "Does the end result justify the means to get there?" I think it goes something like that, and I'm not really sure if it does. 

If you're doing bad things to achieve a good result, does the good result justify the bad actions? It's all relative right? Depending on the good result, the bad things done to receive said result, would change the answer to it right? I don't know, I'm just kind of confused at the moment with some things and just ranting.


I've started to have some feelings that I haven't felt in a long time, I'm not really sure what to think of it. Is it a feeling I want to pursue and see how things turn out, or do I continue my current lifestyle of being laid back and not having any commitments? I'm sure I'll be happy both ways you know? I'm just not sure which way would provide the maximum amount of happiness I guess, and there really isn't a way to tell. You kind of just have to go with the flow and see where life takes you, hopefully I'll end up in a good spot. Still not entirely sure how comfortable I am talking about any love life of mine on these blogs though, maybe I'll open up more in the future~ 


So for Thanksgiving I'm pretty sure I'm not doing anything! I was invited to a few Thanksgiving dinners but I think I'll have to decline, as I want some time to myself to just, think I guess. I've never been a big celebrator of thanksgiving anyway, considering my family never did it while growing up. So it's not really a holiday that resonates with me, I don't see a necessity to do it so I'll probably skip out.

Christmas however! Is a different story, that is something we celebrated when we were younger, I think I might actually travel down to Hawaii during that time to take a vacation before the grueling season starts. It'd likely be my last time that I'd be able to travel and relax a bit before having to grind out games all day and everyday. So I figure a nice "beach/resort" type place such as Hawaii would probably be pretty comfortable and a good spot. I think I'd go to Honolulu by the way, not entirely sure but that is the capital and where things are at, right?